Today I have a topic that I pray will heal and free many people. It has been a journey that I have personally walked through for the last 15 years. But these last three months, I specifically studied today’s topic to its depths in order to walk in freedom.
It has been a very sacred process that was led by the Spirit of God to integrate lasting healing.
What is it, you’re probably thinking?
I’ll tell you.
Victory over self-image issues.
To me, this has been one of the greatest miracles I have come to witness.
The heavy burden of insecurities and low self-esteem began shedding one layer at a time as I became a partaker of healing through a variety of mindset renewals.
But this is the caveat—it started in the prayer closet.
So everything you will be learning today is the wisdom of God. The Holy Spirit took me through the journey, and now I have been fortunate enough to share it with you.
So sit tight and buckle your seatbelt because everything you need to hear about unfading beauty will be uncovered today.
Where It Started: The Root of Insecurities
I distinctly remember my childhood. I think the purest form of confidence I possessed was then. I was not indoctrinated with society’s beauty standards, so I honored myself. I didn’t compare myself to my peers. In fact, that wasn’t even a concept.
And who exactly taught me this confidence?
No one.
It was instinctual.
It was simply: this is me! Hate it or love it!
I didn’t believe there was anything wrong with me. I was rooted.
What helped then was that I was being recognized for more than my appearance. I was a sister, daughter, and student. I was more.
But somewhere down the path, things got… messy.
Don’t they always?
So from ages 0–13, I was simply existing. I lived as Rodas. I was not self-conscious.
But then I hit that awkward stage from ages 13–16. I hit puberty, but I was a late bloomer. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever bloom. Just kidding.
But seriously, it shook my world.
At that ripe age, I learned comparison.
The girls my age were now dating, and the boys who acknowledged them looked specifically for a certain tailored type. To put it shortly, it wasn’t me.
I still had chubby cheeks and a flat chest. I looked underdeveloped compared to most. All the while, the other girls were more caught up with the trends and favored the hottest celebrities on the blogs.
I think at that moment it dawned on me—I was the unpicked.
This season of my life was so vital because, during this time in middle school, my identity was beginning to form. However, it was being defined by all the wrong people.
And with little self-awareness, I adopted it.
The worst part was looking in the mirror and picking apart the things I perceived to be “flaws.”
My inner dialogue looked something like this:
“Is it my eyes? My nose? Probably my nose.”
It affected my self-esteem and self-image. But the curse of it all was that my formative years in middle school defined the years to come.
Not to mention, these insecurities became highlighted by some meanies who reinforced the narratives I already believed in my mind.
To say the least, it was some of the most difficult years for my identity.
But at 28 years old, I made the decision that I don’t want to be a statistic.
There is this unspoken notion that insecurities are simply part of being human. But I want to defy that standard and be the exception to the rule.
Because I refuse to be the woman in her 40s, 50s, 60s, or 70s looking back at old pictures of myself in disbelief over what I once perceived to be insecurities.
I don’t want to look back at myself and wonder what there was not to love.
So in honor of my younger self and my future self, I decided to take authority in this area.
But the next phase, after freeing myself, is going back to help free others.
So here I am.
The Work: Taking Authority
I would have to say this process has looked like a combination of two things: empowerment met with resistance.
As I leaned toward healing, mental and spiritual warfare intensified.
Once you begin to take hold of mindless narratives, your mind will try to create blocks in an attempt to keep you safe from the unknown.
Our minds are designed to protect us. As much as they are doing their job, they can also hinder our growth.
So taking authority, at first glance, looks like pushing past every resistance while assuring your mind that it has the capacity to carry more.
This is what the work looked like for me.
Moving past aversion.
This took place in prayer and in inviting the Holy Spirit to give me light.
So in my pursuit of having the eyes of my heart enlightened, I leaned closer to the Lord for healing, just like the people who touched Jesus’ fringe and were immediately healed (Ephesians 1:17–18; Matthew 14:34–36).
My prayers were answered in ways I didn’t expect.
But isn’t that just like God—to do a new thing? (Isaiah 43:19)
So I left myself open to receive the wisdom He desired to impart.
The Journey of a Prayer: Lasting Healing
I usually talk to the Lord at this cute little park near my house. It’s peaceful and isolated from the noise.
That day, the Lord had me looking at this beautiful yellow butterfly, prompting me with questions that, at the time, I did not have the answers to.
I grew a little frustrated and impatient, so I turned back to God for the answers.
But none came.
So I simply stared deeply at the butterfly and observed the grace with which it moved.
There I was—praying and studying this butterfly, begging the Lord to miraculously heal me from my insecurities.
But the answer didn’t come then.
So I went home.
I got dressed and decided I would grab some ice cream while getting some work done.
As I got into my Lyft, the Lord revealed to me what I had failed to understand.
And this is what I learned.
What separated me from that butterfly was simply this: it existed, trusting its being.
Whereas we—starting with me—are preoccupied with trying to embody beauty.
So we don’t trust our essence.
We don’t trust the wings given to us.
We don’t trust the details of our wings.
So we do more.
More makeup.
More hair.
More nails.
Less being.
Not too long before this, my job had ordered caterpillars that would eventually become butterflies. As I watched their metamorphosis over time, I expected to witness them in all their beauty.
But when they finally emerged, something surprised me. They were still beautiful, but because they weren’t expressing their fullest essence, they actually looked a bit sinister up close. In hindsight, I understood it was because they were confined inside a small enclosure for display, where their colors couldn’t fully be captured.
And this is the case for most of us. We often pick ourselves apart in pictures or mirrors where we are confined. Our essence isn’t fully captured in these spaces.
So what do we do? We take a very small snapshot of ourselves, captured in a reflection, and make that our reality.
Even when we are confined just like those caged butterflies.
Oftentimes, when we look in the mirror, we’re trying to see ourselves. But the irony is that true seeing is often found in being.
Merely looking at ourselves robs us of our depth and dimension. I’ve found that you can truly see your essence and beauty only in the places where you exist.
For me, that looks like when I am smiling, giving, or loving.
That’s when I can truly see myself.
So what did I learn?
Let go of the “looking” so you can “be” and truly “see.”
That’s when I embodied beauty.
That’s where my identity was found.
In that quiet, still space of being.
This doesn’t mean neglecting self-care.
But what I have learned is that after I have done all I can to adorn myself, I must let my wings down and trust its colors.
I must fly.
My Metamorphosis: In Closing
This journey for me was about coming back to myself.
To that pure seven-year-old who simply believed in her essence.
Who saw herself.
Who trusted her wings.
And now I can confidently say…
I am her.
